Twin flames: on chaser-runner dynamics

hi dears, today I am sharing with you some thoughts and insights regarding the twin flame journey. I will be focusing on understanding the runner-chaser dynamic, why it occurs and how we can step out of the cycles. it has resulted into a quite long article which seems to me to be more of an energetic transmission (through words and texts) than a fully logically constructed essay. and I love that! see this article as a sign from the universe you have manifested to inspire yourself forward into your soul journey. set the rational mind aside, let these words touch and awaken your soul and if triggers arise, observe them with self-love and curiosity. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I’ve enjoyed writing this. ❤

paintin by David Miller

I believe one of the main causes of chasing and the resulting running mechanism is the collective belief that love stories are supposed to be some kind of fairy tale that saves us from our own misery. think of the material most of us have been fed as children, and you’ll understand what I am talking about.

we often find a lot of focus on romance even in the twin flame collective and I think this kind of disillusionment is one of the main collective causes twins end up chasing and running from each other. believing twin flame relationships are some kind of love fairy tale can be very dangerous for our mental health and we can end up wasting a lot of time disempowering ourselves as we wait for our charm prince to come save us from ourselves.

we observe this as the conditioned feminine seeks out to her masculine hoping that he might give her a sense of stability and safety – but unlike fairy tales, this only pushes her twin flame away. because twin flames don’t come into our life to pamper our ego, but to help us step out of ego-programming so that we can be finally free. and so they don’t give us what we want, but what we need.

twin flames come into each other’s life to empower each other and help each other awaken and step into their own soul’s power.

relationships, of any kind, are the greatest tools we can use to grow spiritually and evolve as soul beings. we shouldn’t believe a person is supposed to make us happy – if we do, this is highly disempowering and it ends up with us becoming co-dependent and eventually hurt as we realise no one can fill our own inner voids.

so, if you’re looking for some magical pill that will magnetise your twin flame into your life without doing your inner work, you’ll find this information of no use as I have no spell for you. but keep reading if you’re done with feeling incomplete and with “seeking” and if you’re ready to dive deep into your being and be faced with what’s within yourself.

as I’ve said in other articles you can find here, twin flame relationships are not about the romance and believing it is can be deeply heart-breaking when one is faced to the truth of things. I am not saying that romantic gestures can’t or don’t happen between twins, but the point is that first and foremost twin flame relationships are about the spiritual growth, as they trigger the expansion of our consciousness.

when we meet our twin flames, evolutionary DNA strings (Kundalini energy) are activated within ourselves and our body-mind purification is set in motion – this is what most twin flames experience as a healing and awakening process. this is the point of twin flame reunion or meeting: the trigger of our ascension process. read this article to understand more about Kundalini energy. 

when we meet our twin flame, intense feelings of Love are awakened within ourselves as our twin serves as a divine mirror to show us the light of our soul.

the whole romanticising stems from the projection of believing our twin flame is the “source” of those feelings. this is also when chasing starts: we misbelieve that we can only find those feelings with and through our twin flame, and so we chase them. again, this is disempowering – but don’t judge yourself if this happens to you, because these are collectively accepted patterns and we’ve been programmed to them, especially women. just understand that they might not serve you anymore and it might be time to re-program yourself as the soul being you want to embody.

this doesn’t mean that you can’t love your twin flame for the amazing service they are doing to you by showing you how bright your soul shines and how divine you are. we can and should be deeply grateful for them – the problem arises when we attach labels to them and start having expectations regarding the relationship. again, this is human programming and there’s nothing “wrong” with it, simply, it doesn’t make one happy in the long run.

as soul beings we have chosen to embark on this awakening journey (with our twin flame as a catalyst for it) in order to support humanity to collectively get rid of these limiting and disempowering conditionings.

our twin is our soul’s mirror. if anything, we should romanticise on our soul’s light and on the grace of God. if we only focused on our Soul and our connection with God, we would spare ourselves a lot of human drama. 😉

however, human separation mentality triggers our mind to project these feelings onto the physical self of our twin soul, and this is where things start to get messy – because we start seeing our twin as somehow ‘separated’ from us and this triggers our feelings of lack and our fears to lose them.

our twin’s physical self acts like a perfect mirror which shows us who we really are. there is nowhere to go but within ourselves to find that light that they so beautifully reflect. but the mind likes to believe that we are separated and therefore creates a longing to be with this person who seems to be the source of such amazing loving feelings. 

this is when the chaser-runner dynamic is set in motion.

when one twin believes the other is the key to their own well-being, they start wanting them, desiring to be with this person and longing for them: this creates friction and inner conflict as desiring something is like saying to the Universe “I lack something” and this is what we’ll be reflected with.

let’s say the Universe is like a giant copy machine: it repeats whatever vibrations we are sending out. 

because being with our twin flame feels so amazing and we experience a type of Oneness we’d never experienced before (or at least never through someone else), the ego-mind starts thinking: “I need this person in order to be happy” or “this person is the cause of my happiness” – which is highly disempowering.

we should be empowered in ourselves knowing that we are enough for our happiness. as healthy and balanced beings, we should be joyful to be who we are – then we can go and share this with others. if we can’t find that joy within ourselves, we will never find it anywhere else for the long-term.

sometimes we think we are at peace with ourselves and then we meet our twin flame and everything just crumbles apart – that’s okay. this is why they’ve been placed there: to show us what we still need to address and that there’s joy and miracles in this journey.

when your twin flame runs from you, they are doing you a favour (although it might not seem so from an ego point of view) as they mirror back to you your own feelings of lack: the trigger is an amazing opportunity to grow and evolve, if you choose your growth and evolution over your victimhood and ego-attachments.

the ego-mind likes to think through disempowerment because this creates fear (=“I can’t lose this person”, “I am afraid to lose this person because I am not enough” etc) and this perpetuates the ego’s survival, as it’s fed through such feelings of lack. 

focusing on the pain this whole situation is causing you and refusing to dive into your inner void by believing that your twin flame is the one who needs to heal is an egoic declaration: you end up being the victim and continue seeing yourself as separated. do it if you want, but it’ll keep you stuck right where you are. is it where you want to stay?

stepping into Unity means taking responsibility for your own reality.

as a soul consciousness, you’ve attracted your twin flame into your life to propel your growth forwards and expand your consciousness into Oneness and Unconditional Love.

believing “something” or “someone” outside of yourself (your twin, life, God, society, a third party, etc.) is causing your suffering is giving your power away.

the solution is never in “changing” something “out there”, but in choosing who you want to be in front of what is: do you want to be disempowered and miserable or do you want to be joyful and bountiful no matter what happens?

this doesn’t mean that you have to numb your pain, but rather that, if pain arises, you gently embrace it with love – and if you anchor yourself deep enough in your soul consciousness, you’ll be able to feel joy and peace even through the darkest of the storms.

because twin flames are poles of the same energy, when one pulls, the other pushes. therefore, when one twin (usually the feminine) gets upset because she’s afraid to lose her twin and she longs for “more” of him, he naturally slips away and runs from her. we can see this as a gift your twin soul is offering to you so that you can see where you’re disempowering yourself and meet yourself there with love, compassion and acceptance for where you are right now. 

interacting with your twin flame can be deeply overwhelming, upsetting and even traumatising. I believe as more and more twin flames come together, we’ll have a lot more experience which we’ll be able to share with future generations so that the journey is smoother. as we collectively raise our frequencies, the patterns that create separation will decrease as we’ll collectively be more empowered and rooted in our soul consciousness. runner-chaser dynamics and altogether the whole human pain and drama is just a consequence of separation mentality.

when we’ll be collectively aware of being One, there will be no need to play old roles. let’s say that for now we are the ones breaking the patterns and this can be messy – and that’s okay.

acknowledge what a wonderful service your soul has come to offer to planet Earth.

acknowledge that women and men currently have much different issues to sort out and that it is natural that you and your twin go through different experiences and have different triggers. even in same-sex twin couples there are different features that influence how differently twins can experience this awakening: age, culture, family background, past wounds, etc. and then, of course, the different energetic pole which shapes the way we naturally function as manifested beings. 

as twin flames, we are two poles of one energy, but when we meet we yet don’t know how to deal with this. how to deal with and function from Oneness and Unconditional Love. 

and then we go and find information directing us to focus on things like sending healing energy to our twin flame and do all this manifestation exercises to manifest physical union. all of this is a way to energetically chase and it creates more running. it might function with other types of relationships, but not with true twin flames. it can be highly disheartening for an awakened twin flame to try “do” something about her physical connection and not see any results and just helplessly see her twin flame run further and further away from her without any logical reason. 

chasing is first and foremost something that happens energetically when we chase our twin’s energy, not only through trying to force the physical connection but also through obsessive thinking, daydreaming, visualisations, manifestation tools, etc. whenever you are choosing your twin’s energy over yours, you are chasing them.

connecting with your twin’s energy can be highly healing to find balance in your feminine and masculine sides but once you’ve made peace with your inner masculine, come back and focus on yourself. you can connect with their higher self and enjoy your celestial marriage, but eventually you’ll have to come back on Earth and face your reality here, so you need to focus on your well-being on this dimension also.

let your twin soul love you through your heart but don’t mix things up: whatever you experience as “your twin” is actually your energy. the love that they have for you and the love you have for them is the same soul love. it’s all you, it’s all One, it’s all God. it’s always been you. and that’s wonderful. because you don’t need anything nor anyone to be the greatest version of yourself.

there is a lot of misconception around twin flame as we are still uncovering and unveiling the depths of these relationships through our own experiences. the big question often is: should I let go of my twin flame? I believe we can’t let go of our twin flames in the same way we can’t let go of ourselves: we are this and we can’t escape from ourselves. but we can and should let go of the “little me story”: what we should let go of is the attachment to our twin’s personality or ego-self, as much as we should also let go the attachment to our own constructed human personality, which shortly said is the story of the self, the memory of a past and the expectation of a future shaping us. I will write more about letting go of the ego-structure so subscribe to my newsletter at the end of the article to stay tuned. ❤

holding onto our human identity limits our full soul expression and creates a lot of stress and worry as we try to fit into the ego-dress. letting go of our expectations regarding our own human expression gives us the freedom to be whoever we are in this present moment.

in order to stop chasing, we should let go of all expectations and attachments regarding any possible outcomes of our twin flame relationship. this is also the core of true love: allowing the one you love to be as they are, not wanting to change them in any way, accepting them as they are and accepting your bond with them as it is. wanting to change your relationship with your twin flame is like saying that something is wrong with the way it is right now and that’s not how true love works. think of how a mother loves her kids and gives them the freedom to be whoever they choose to be and lets them go have their own life experiences as they grow up: it might hurt her to be distant, but she truly love them, and that means freedom and acceptance.

when we stop expecting anything from our twin or our relationship with them, we actually finally allow space for new growth within our connection.

union with your twin flame is not about “doing” anything. there’s nothing you can “do” to “fix” it. as I am always guided to see it, it is a divine connection and it belongs to Divinity, to Eternity. we can never control it, only surrender and enjoy the ride.

believing you still need to “heal” in some way is a declaration of still being “incomplete” and as long as you see yourself as incomplete you can’t experience union. you are perfect as you are right now, you are loveable and deserve to be filled with joy as you are right now, with all of your emotions and all of your messy humanity – and your inner Divinity is there within yourself patiently waiting for you to realise this so that you can be filled with the divine grace, love and beauty of this present moment.

union is about being at peace with your Self in this present moment. it is about being YOU and knowing that truly being you means being your twin flame and being all of creation. your mind won’t get this, but you heart does. and through your heart you find your peace. it is the portal to embodying Unconditional Love and Divine Wholeness. here’s an article on connecting with your heart

you are already whole and complete as you are and when you know that, when you feel that in your every cell, you no longer desire anything because you’re already whole within yourself. whatever happens, appears and arises in the physical reality is okay – you just totally accept whatever is without wanting to change anything whatsoever. with or without your twin, it doesn’t matter, everything is perfect already: you are being Unconditional Love, here and now, and you feel intimately interconnected with All That Is, always, and that is Paradise.

wanting to change something about you or about your manifested reality is pushing your own self away and pushing your twin flame away. accepting whatever is, recognising that you’ve co-created it is stepping into your full soul expression and power. it is choosing to be at peace with yourself, with all your emotions and states of consciousness – and then, naturally, you’ll be at peace with your twin flame and with the whole of creation. naturally, you’ll magnetise into your life all of your blessings.

this isn’t about being in a physical relationship with your twin flame or not. the physical relationship can appear as a byproduct of your inner wholeness. but it won’t appear as long as you are longing for it to happen – because this chasing energy pushes your twin flame away.

it doesn’t matter where your twin flame is or what they are doing, saying or thinking: they are you, here and now, and there’s nothing any of you can do to change that. you are being them and they are being you – simply, you experience this through the lenses of your own physical body, and this can trick you into believing the illusion of being separated.

anchoring yourself in your soul consciousness means understanding that you are so much more than your physical self, and so is your twin. 

twin flames are in each other all along. separation is only an illusion. from your soul’s point of view, you are already intimately interconnected, more than you can ever logically comprehend.

chaser-runner dynamics are unconscious and we should not judge ourselves or our twin for (re)acting the way we/they do. Unconditional Love means unconditionally accepting what is and embracing it with love and understanding.

I remember I was shocked to witness my own (re)actions with my twin when we started triggering each other – I was (re)acting so much differently than in any other relationship and he was nothing like I would expect someone to (re)act. we just had no choice but to be as we were. as we still have no choice but to be who we are. and so do you and your twin and the whole of creation. there’s no control in the Kingdom/Queendom of God and that’s the absolute freedom: you can be who you are without needing to change, judge or label it in any way.

surrendering means accepting that you have no control (neither you nor your twin) on this relationship and this allows you to simply let this be whatever it is.

twin flame dynamics are very complex and just totally differ from any other relationship – knowing this allows us to just surrender to the present moment and not try to change anything about it. this is where freedom arises.

rejecting what already is creates an unnecessary inner conflict. what if you just accepted yourself for who you are right here and now? what if you just made peace with your own manifestation right here and now? what if you just let go of the prison of a past and a future and just fully came home to this present moment?

if you don’t like something, you can just let yourself be guided to the necessary steps you need to take to change it (within yourself), but stop rejecting what is already being. stop rejecting yourself for who you are now. embrace yourself as you are right now. if you won’t, no one will for you. you are the only one who can step into Wholeness for yourself.

you are God’s beloved creature and are immersed in the Kingdom/Queendom of the Divine – why are you still rejecting Paradise? come home, now, come home to This, here, come home to What Is. ❤

you can be peacefully enjoying your divine union no matter what. no matter where you are, what you’re doing, whom you’re with, etc., because physical circumstances say nothing about who you truly are.

so the whole point is recognising who you are, and to find that out, you must dig deep into your own being. outside you’ll never find answers, only distractions, and this will perpetuate your suffering. so stop looking out.

ultimately, see this article as a sign to stop “doing” anything about your twin flame connection (like sending them healing energy, tarot readings, manifestation tools, obsessing over them, stalking their media, forcing communication, etc.). just stop and relax into yourself. why worrying anyways? what was, was already, and what will be, is yet not here. let it go. be present. be you, darling, and be it fully. embrace your light and darkness and walk boldly on this Earth. you are loved and cherished, can you embrace this truth?

union is all about “being”. about being yourself. about being anchored in your own self. about being unified with your own soul – because your twin flame is you and the only way to be in harmonious union with them is by being who you are here and now. the rest will just follow as it’s always done.

just see your twin flame journey like your ticket to enlightenment and union with All That Is or God. if you want to continue reading about Divine Union, here’s an article on Ascension. ❤

I hope you’ve found this article helpful. please share with me your thoughts and questions regarding this issue in the comment section. I am reading you 🙂 

lots of love and blessings for your journey, 

sara ❤

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22 thoughts on “Twin flames: on chaser-runner dynamics

      1. Your article took my breath away,it really made me cry hard as I cried all the pain away and saw that toxic,violent,deep intense painful relationship for what it was thank you. Although I am really confused as you mention something like our twin flame is us so that means he said he loved me but yet he had no problems in beating me up badly??,does that mean I’m an awful person not capable of having good real love I don’t understand,thank you love toni


      2. Hi Toni,
        I am glad you appreciated the article. I want to stress that twin flame relationships are never abusive and also, toxic patterns are never reinforced. before toxicity kicks in, twins are separated. twin flame bonds are grounded in deep love and mutual respect.
        I hope you find your way out of an abusive relationship, for you deserve to be respected and loved deeply.
        infinite blessings and love, Sara


  1. Thank you for this informative article. We’ve definitely stepped into this with me chasing and him running. I’ve figured the majority of this out myself but the way you’ve worded it so beautifully … it’s really helping me to see what *I* need to do on a personal level and ways in which to step back and surrender to the journey. I’m such a “doer” that this has been hard. Also, our relationship is anything but normal from a couples perspective and it’s hard to get past that sometimes. Idolizing what it could be like or what it “should” be like has caused some tension. Thank you for helping me to find a way to let go and to focus inward, to continue on the path towards self love.


      1. tonimyway16

        Thank you Sarah,so obviously it wasn’t twin flame. Just curious do you think it could have been a fake twin flame, or karmic? Or just plain toxic? All good he left me 6 yrs ago very painful but best outcome for me free!!


      2. Hi beloved,
        possibly this situation held heavy karma which needed to be resolved. I hope you can find space within yourself to work through these issues, see why you needed this lesson and move towards healthier bonds ❤


  2. Pingback: Letting go of your twin flame – purifying waves of love

  3. QM

    The physical separation from my twin recently hurt so bad that I started my healing & soul journey. I didn’t expect to come across this article but looking for some sort of clarity I found this & I’m happy I did. I know for a fact that I am trying hard to let him go. We have been going through this back & forth since kids in high school. We both see & feel the immensely beautiful connection. Yet, it stays slipping through our fingers. I’ve come to realize from your article that I’ve always been the chaser. And I was still chasing from a spiritual level, while also not trying to. Yearning for something I physically am trying my hardest to walk away from. Everyday it hurts! But this article at least helped to open up my eyes a bit more. I thank you so much for this information!!! Asè 🙌🏾🧡


    1. hi dear and thank you for your comment and kind words. I am very joyful to read that the information you found on this page has been helpful. many blessings and lots of love for your human path and divine journey 🙏❤ may we all reunite in Oneness


  4. Xolisa Dubazana

    Hi Sara I didn’t know anything about twin flame until I met him . it’s the most beautiful feeling in the world.We have been chasing and running for months…but now I understand I don’t have to do anything about it plus I’m married he’s not.I understand it’s more about me than it is about him…Problem is when I distance myself from him he always just out of the blue asks me for a hug…should I stop hugging him and just let this whole thing go.I did tell him I can’t live in this way not being present in my life and constantly thinking about him.I want this whole thing to stop.
    Regards xoli


    1. dear love, thanks for your comment and sharing with us your impressions. have you read my other articles about letting go of our twin flame? i believe it could have some insights you may find interesting. i am soon posting more about the process of letting go, which is so crucial for twin flames. i cant answer your questions fully here, but what i always suggest is doing what is best for oneself. all answers are found in the heart – to support the connection with our heart consciousness you can check the article on my blog called ‘connecting with the heart + meditation’.
      for anything else feel totally free to contact me via my contact page 🙂
      love and blessings, sara


  5. Manasi

    Thank you for sharing Sara. Finding solace in your words. Keep writing. I love your words. It is as if everything you write speaks to me & is something I need at the moment. Thank you.


  6. Beautiful read, I’m crying, I met her a few months ago and I dived deep into many types of healings and inner work and am still processing walking and talking to this ‘peace’ and this ‘unity’. I am happy this community and this blog is so full of comprehension, love, and peaceful energies. I have recovered Faith that God has the path for me and her laid out as it is laid out. Gracias Sara, eres un alma muy bella


    1. beloved Gabi, thank you for your sweet words, and for sharing with us your thoughts and emotions. welcome home.
      may you be blessed, and may your life be filled with miracles. ❤ sara


  7. Yuliya

    thank you for the article. Though it made me hate my “twin” and this journey and I realized that I actually dont want him back into my life. But it helped me to snap out of waiting.
    I do want to say that it’s not mainly women who chase men, it’s a huge stereotype. EVERYBODY is chasing someone, men are just thought to hide it better(very often in drugs, alcohol, or excessive achievement). Men are more scared to be alone than women. My (supposedly) twin run away from me but he jumped into another relationship right away, while I decided to stay single. Also, women are more likely to file for divorce than men. It’s an accepted stereotype that makes us believe that men are more whole and self-sufficient and women are more needy, but its very far from the reality.


    1. dear Yuliya,
      thanks for your commentary and precious words. they are appreciated.
      although many twin flame couples do reflect the hetero-normativity of woman and man, there are many twin flame couples that don’t. and although i know that twin feminines often identify as women, and twin masculines often identify as men, we find many cases where it is not like that. therefore, my article wasn’t meant to approach social genders as such. as i have written in many occasions, “feminine” and “masculine” have nothing to do with biological sex and social gender. we could talk about them as “negative” and “positive” energy poles, just like in chemistry.
      thanks, though, for bringing up the topic, and reminding us all that we should never fall into social stereotypes. stereotypes are disempowering, limiting and they hurt.
      a big, loving hug. sara


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