hi friends,

i’ve been wanting to share insights on this topic for so long, but i must admit it feels quite exposing to write about this. i’m still learning how to let myself be seen. anyways, i really feel like i want to take back my writing and sharing practice and i honestly think this is one great topic to start with. i don’t consider myself a sex expert, but i must say that sexuality has always fascinated me and, after some tough life lessons, i had to take a long journey to find the way back into my body, into inner safety and finally into pleasure. i learnt a lot along the way and i am grateful and proud to say that i am to this day a multi-orgasmic woman who owns her pleasure. i can sit in meditation and bring spontaneous orgasms into my body and carry that around within my temple throughout the day. i went from being absolutely numb and terrified of physical touch to experiencing waves upon waves of bliss, manifesting through my orgasms and being a passionate lover. i always think if i could do it, truly anyone can.

this is why this is a knowledge or a path that i never want to gatekeep from anyone. but i must say, it is not a short nor easy road, and most people might just never want to embark upon it. while one might not want or need to travel the whole length of it, even taking a step in that direction can make your life and your sexual experience much better. my friends know that i love to talk about the ways we can access more and deeper sexual fulfilment – to do so, one must remain curious, open-minded and free of judgement, especially towards ourselves.

the biggest lie we’ve been fed by patriarchy and capitalism is that our body is not our own. we dress up and perform for the external gaze and pretend to enjoy being whatever society wants us to be. this is the first thing we have to do and i haven’t even included it in the list of practices, because all practices are based on the assumption that we reclaim our body as our own. the first thing is to stop performing. become absolutely real with yourself. start doing things because you like how they feel in your body, mind, heart or spirit.

let’s start with my little guide on how to become multi-orgasmic. based on the fact that your body is yours. and you are now not only reclaiming its power back to you, but also taking responsibility for what your body does, feels or thinks.  wherever you’re at, trust that you are exactly where you’re meant to be and that you have within you all the tools to get where you want to go.

trigger warning: i’ll discuss, yet not in depth nor with detail, the topic of sexual trauma and i mention CSA (childhood sexual abuse).

– question your sexuality and your gender expression

start with actually, truly questioning your sexuality. those of us who are assigned female sex at birth are taught to like pink, dresses and sex with men. we need to question everything that has been assumed about us, such as our likes, dislikes and preferences, in order to actually know what we truly like, dislike and prefer. you might end up realising you don’t want to live your life the way you were told to. be curious and open-minded and let yourself question what has always seemed true for you. it takes radical honesty and a whole bunch of courage. if you never question it, you might be living a life that is not yours. be ready to change. if you assume you are heterosexual and like sex the way it happens in porn, but never actually try anything different or at least consider it, you might be functioning from compulsory heterosexuality. when you think you like something, ask yourself “do i like this because someone told me i have to like this? does it actually get better than this?”. question the way you carry your body around the world – does it actually align with what you feel inside? do you actually even enjoy wearing the clothes that you wear? or walking the way you walk? is there actually a way of walking, talking, moving and breathing that feels more pleasurable? get comfortable trying out something different. you might be surprised with how much freedom you can find.

– slow down

this is one of the most important steps we need to take. mind-blowing pleasure doesn’t happen when you’re rushing. a quick session might be enjoyable, but it’s not the space where you unfold and unravel and get initiated in multilayered full-body orgasms. it’s not just about how hands touch you – it’s the breath and the inner attitude. pleasure happens naturally when we are relaxed – things just flow more naturally when there’s no pressure. this does not start in the bedroom: it starts with your everyday life. if you are rushing through life, you might find out that you have a hard time relaxing for a session of pleasure alone or with a partner. be like a plant: slow. paced. without a rush. not really looking to get anywhere. just existing. just enjoying the moment. now. easier said than done but a necessary step if we want to unlock unprecedented levels of ecstasy. slow down in the way you walk, talk and breathe and you’ll be opening up a space where the natural flowing pleasure of being can show up.

– connect to your body

along with trying out new things or doing things because you like them (and not because you’ve been told to like them): explore your bodily sensations. thoroughly. how does the blanket feel on your skin? the wind? the sun? the cold air? how does coffee taste in your mouth? sit in the feeling. explore it. expand it. dive into it. map out what you like and what you don’t like. breathe through the things you like and through the things you don’t like. staying might actually reveal the opposite, or just give you extra information on something. i used to hate the cold, crispy air and love hot, humid weather. with time it turns out that cold and crispy is starting to feel just a lot sexier, while hot and humid is becoming a big turn off. things change. and also, what if we start enjoying what life is making available for us. the touch of the sweater, the warmth of the tea cup on your hand, the breeze on your skin. we live in a sensory world. that’s actually the fun part of being human – we get to live in a dense reality that hosts all of these sensory stimulations. there is a lot of pleasure hidden in the most mundane, daily things. the sounds of leaves. passing your hand through the grass. the smell of a flower. a lover’s slow, mindless caress. a gaze. you need to learn how to dive into and take in the little pleasures available to you, before you can hold space for the big ones.

– connect with nature and the source of life

nature is so connected with the senses. we see the trees, we smell the rain, we touch a rock, we hear the birds. but also – we are nature itself. we are animals – there’s a part of us that is pure instinct and wildness. this is the part we want to unlock if we are to truly enjoy and embody our sexuality. you cannot access bliss without becoming completely raw and wild within yourself. so become part of nature. smell it, touch it, listen to it, explore it. spend time outdoors. learn to trust nature. respect it. protect it. don’t treat it like you own it. ask for permission before you enter somewhere or take anything. clean it up. take your trash away with you. if you are to leave a trace, make it a trace of love and care, as silent and quiet as possible. don’t walk into a woodland or a mountain or a beach like a visitor – even if you are traveling, this planet is our home. explore nature as someone who lives there. inhabit it.

nature is not only a physical experience. it is a spiritual one. something in it speaks directly to our soul. open up to that. explore your inner being. remember that, just like our planet, we are made of night and day. don’t shy away from the dark. i suggest taking walks at night, if that is safe in your area, to become comfortable in the darkness, in the not-knowing and not-seeing. there’s something truly valuable in there. are you scared of the darkness of the mountain or are you scared of your own darkness? this is such a wild journey.

– explore self-pleasure, give to yourself what you want, identify what you like

finally, we walk into the realm of sensual and sexual pleasure. without the previous steps, we might lack the sensitivity and awareness to actually access pleasure, and all that remains is just a performance for ourselves. deep pleasure means depth, depth means exploration. imagine your pleasure like the ocean – just as deep and unexplored. while the shore feels safe and familiar, we must dive into the dark depths, if we truly want to know how wide we can stretch. this  starts with self-pleasure. you cannot expect your lover to take you to depths you are afraid to explore on your own: what’ll happen is that you’ll freeze, become numb to it and run away. first, find out what works for you in the intimacy and calm of your private space. learn to stretch into your pleasure, breathe into it, expand it through your whole body. then, if you want, you can share that with someone. this practice also helps build an inner roadmap to your pleasure, which means you know how to get there, which means you now own your pleasure: it now belongs to you.

– surrender and heal your sexual traumas (intergenerational and collective ones too)

going into the depth of our pleasure might also reveal some dark truths hidden in there. the truth is, our bodies have been broken in so many different ways and especially the womb has been hurt the most in this patriarchal society. patriarchy has broken the womb in every way possible, making sure women are terrified to even look into it and therefore keep away from the transformative and revolutionary power of the womb. the womb is the matrix of life. tell me something more powerful than that.

we are scared to explore our sexuality because there’s just so much personal, intergenerational and collective pain in there. it is believed that 1 in 3 children (including both girls and boys) have experienced some form of childhood sexual abuse. most women experience some sort of micro or macro sexual aggressions throughout their lives. men are terrified to realise how complicit they’ve been in upholding the statistics. most people remain numb and disconnected, but safe from a soul-wrecking pain they don’t have the tools to deal with.

i believe this is the most difficult part of the journey. the most painful. the one you’ll want to run away from. the moment you’ll want to give up. it’s a walk through the gates of fire, for they burn to the bone. yet, there’s a purification that comes with it. after that, we finally get access to our power. if you surrender to this and do the work, you’ll know how powerful and unbreakable you actually are. it’s like being reborn.

this is not a journey we have to make on our own – especially if we’ve experienced abuse in this lifetime, we might need someone to hold our hand while we walk through fire. i offer 1:1 sessions where i use tools from gestalt therapy, yoga and voice therapy, if you are interested in working with me. otherwise i suggest looking for specialised therapists in your area and being extra careful with who you trust for this work. i honestly believe working with a woman therapist is safer. always set your boundaries and if you feel weird or uncomfortable with someone’s questions, words, touch or gaze, run. take care, hun.

this topic can be activating for some. before moving on, check on your body and take some time for yourself if you need. take a deep breath and make sure you are in your body and more or less regulated before continuing to read.

– be selective with your lovers

when choosing who to be intimate with, look for safety and connection. you want someone who makes you feel safe so that you can unfold your pleasure. someone who doesn’t make you feel judged in and out of the bedroom and that is curious and hungry about what makes your eyes turn and your back arch. the best lover you can ask for is someone who will hold you when you surrender to pleasure and who will ride the wave of your bliss with devotion, care, patience and a listening body. this is the best case scenario and the one who will unlock the most shared pleasure. i honestly think we shouldn’t settle for less. in any case, make sure you can explore with someone who respects your boundaries, who is gentle and patient. someone who genuinely enjoys seeing you enjoy. anyone who disrespects you or puts their pleasure before yours is a no-go, as that will slowly extinguish your fire and block you from accessing your true power. don’t be afraid to step away and claim for yourself a higher timeline.

– release your inhibitions

to release your inhibitions, you need to be safe. so, again, safe partners. but, also, a safe body. a regulated nervous system. a strong self-esteem. a sense of “i am worthy and i deserve to be happy”. an inner cup within yourself where you contain yourself. a temple where you value yourself and your pleasure more than what others could think of you or what you look like or sound like while you do it. it can feel scary to let go and be loud or let your body move wildly, but holding it in means holding back your pleasure.

a great practice: listen to “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield and go absolutely nuts on it.

– ask for what you want and communicate your likes

you cannot expect your partner(s) to magically know what to do with your body. ask. tell. communicate. say it when you don’t like something, say no, say stop. and also, say yes, say “here”, “like this”. show them. tell them “i’d like you to do this to me/ i’d love to do this to you”. be open to accept their boundaries, too. this is why you need to explore your pleasure on your own first and stay curious with what feels right for you – because that’s the knowledge you need to be able to share with others. every body works differently so you can’t expect someone to know how to treat yours. needing to guide a lover is totally okay. it’s a healthy thing. if you get overwhelmed by your senses and struggle to speak, you can maybe set some boundaries or have a spicy conversation beforehand. make sure to send a note in a way or another! agree on safe words, especially if you are exploring your limits.

– remain in your body

we might not realise it always, but when we feel overwhelmed, uncomfortable or even bored we might often just leave our body. it’s a coping mechanism that helps us navigate through difficult moments. but if you’re walking towards pleasure empowerment, then you want to stay present and enjoy what is happening to your body. which means: only do what you want and when you want to do it. make sure you stop or switch when you need to. remain finely attuned to your body and lean into its guidance. this is why you need to explore with someone safe: someone who doesn’t make you feel pressured to do or continue doing anything. and if you are alone, then also you want to respect what your body is telling you. it could show you a place that needs healing, or tell you about something you haven’t explored that actually turns you on a lot. remain in your flesh and trust it.

– own your body and take responsibility for your pleasure

the journey is never completed but i’d say we’re at a sweet spot when we can own our bodies, own our pleasure and take responsibility for it. from there, it’s about staying curious, being patient and diving deeper into your pleasure, knowing it belongs to you and you have a say on it. if you have sex with your partner and don’t enjoy it, stop saying it is your partner’s fault. start asking yourself what you are not doing, saying, giving or receiving in order to access that pleasure. ask yourself why you share your body with someone who doesn’t care about your pleasure. ask yourself about your limiting beliefs in regards to pleasure, sex or sexuality. your body is yours. your pleasure is yours. you are the one who decides what is possible for you.

we have a new moon in scorpio today and it feels like a great moment to dive inwards and deep into the width of our pleasure. believe that you are multi-orgasmic. (not that you can be. no, no. you are.) even if you have a hard time experiencing an orgasm or never had one, or your orgasms feel meh, or you think one is the most you can get per session – challenge those realities. breathe into your pleasure. stretch it into it. you can choose your timeline. don’t be afraid to let the old versions of you die in order to be reborn into a multiorgasmic queen or king. i’m available for 1:1 sessions if you want to walk a part of this journey with me.

with much love
sara