hi there, you beautiful souls. it’s been a while since i wrote something in here. i’m excited to be back. let’s dive right in! 

for this one article, i felt drawn to share some words on depression and things one can do to help oneself. this is not meant to be a complete guide on how to heal depression, because that would be book.

i will start laying out my personal view on depression, sharing some understanding of the common reasons of it. then i’ll move to an array of different suggestions/tips of things you can do to help yourself feel better while dealing with depressive episodes. all of the content is based on my own experience, and some things i’ve learnt reading here and there. 

a couple of disclaimers: the way i view depression may differ from yours, and that’s okay, we are all unique and what i’ve experienced can differ from your experience. there might be parts in this article that might trigger you and i want you to please know that i speak about this topic from the most utter respect and compassion – you are deserving of feeling better and this is the intention i put in this article, that it might serve you in your quest to wellbeing. i have shared different tips because not all of them might work for you, so that you have a couple of ideas to choose from. ❤

let’s start! 

depression has many definitions and it is definitely a complex matter. i am not a physician nor a psychiatrist, so my scientific, academic knowledge on this matter is limited. however, depression is something i have struggled with, so i consider myself someone who has something to say about it. i think when you go through something, you understand how hard that can be and can speak about it with deep understanding. 

for me, depression is like a prison. it’s a dark, muddy, sticky, suffocating prison. if i had to describe it with one word i would say: heavy. depression is like an extremely heavy weight on one’s brain, heart and body. 

the peculiar thing about this prison is that the one imprisoned is the one who holds the keys.

i’d like to share an image: i am walking in darkness with eyes full of tears and fog in the brain, my body numb – how can i know where i am going? and suddenly, in this black darkness, i can no longer move. i am trapped. in this darkness, with such a numb body, such a foggy brain, it is not easy to see that i have a necklace with the keys of this prison. i’ve been in this prison for so long, i know what to expect here, i am safe in a way. out of here, things could get very bad – so i’d rather stay in the safety of my prison, at least i know what is coming for me. 

the reasons why one could develop depression, or have depressive episodes, are vast. (a depressive episode is a short-term experience of a depressive state, which can last from some minutes to some days or weeks; depression is the long term experience of depressive states, of 3 months or more).

some depressions come as a functional part of a grieving process – it is, indeed, very natural to feel depressed for a while when you’ve lost something or someone significant in your life. on other occasions, it’s less easy to identify the reason of why someone is depressed – in theses cases, we are often dealing with complex trauma and/or biochemical unbalance in the brain. 

a couple of words on the grieving process: grief can hit when someone we love dies, but it is not limited to death. grief occurs whenever we lose someone or something significant in our lives, as for example when we breakup with our partner or lose a job. 

there’s also another type of grief that is less talked about, and that is the grief we process when we heal trauma. you see, a big part of trauma healing is grief work.

what exactly is that we grief on trauma healing? to name some examples: the life we could have had, the life we lost, the joy we’ve lost, the life force we lost. we grieve our hurt inner child: we grieve their broken hearts, their broken minds, their broken bodies. we grieve broken dreams, lost opportunities. we grieve all the years we’ve lost being scared and traumatised. depending on how deep the scars of our trauma go, as deep will be the grief we’ll process during healing work. 

in many cases, depression is an aftermath of traumatic experiences. 

i’d like to explain what makes up a traumatic experience: trauma does not necessarily appear because you experience something frightening or painful – trauma appears when you experience something that deeply frightens or hurts you and you have no one around to share your pain with.

the core of trauma is loneliness, disconnection and despair. 

as human beings, we are wired for connection and community. trauma is what happens when something bad happens to us and there’s no one around to confort us and be there for us in our pain and fear. we are left alone with our confusing, disturbing experiences, unable to process our emotions. this can be collective too – when everyone is overwhelmed, and there’s nobody around with the strength to say “it’s going to be okay”.

sometimes, all it takes to make a difference is someone who says “i’m here for you”. i think one of the reason so many people turn to spirituality is because it enables us to connect with a higher power that tell us exactly this, and it is healing.

connection make us feel safe and through safety we can begin to process what has happened to us and “shake it off”.

but when we don’t feel safe enough in our environment, when our emotions are not validated, when there is no space to express our pain, it remains stuck in our body and it becomes like a black hole that sucks away all the joy and life-force. 

we often develop a vast array of strategies that help us avoid this pain. these strategies might help us survive in our unsafe environment, but with time they just become another problem. depression might just be one of these survival strategies. 

you see, depression is much more than just sadness. most of the time, it’s not even sadness – it’s apathy, lack of motivation and self-hate. this is how your scarred, traumatised brain learns to survive – numbing out stimulus and convincing itself it deserves the pain endured. and physically, it’s like your body doesn’t want to function anymore. this is the body begging for rest, regeneration.

of course depression can become extremely disfunctional, but, in a way, it’s a survival strategy. when facing the pain of your reality seems unbearable, depression kicks in as a way to cope.

this is probably the reason why depression can become incredibly comfortable. pain, dissociation and numbness can become a safe zone. trauma disrupts your perceptions and hence you start to think you deserve this pain, you start to think it’s the only thing you can get from life. so you sit in it. eventually, you get confortable. as in the image of the prison, it becomes a comfort zone: “at least here i know what i am going to get”. 

eventually, it’s like an addiction. a couple of hits, and some people choose they don’t like it – others find in it a way to cope with pain. as with any addiction, it’s hard to recognise and accept it, and it’s even harder to “sober up”. 

through the years i’ve devoted to my healing and through all of my fallbacks, i have gathered quite a few instruments that i have used to get myself out of depressive episodes. i will share them with you in the hope they can inspire you: 

• accept that no one and nothing can save you : you are your own saviour and you hold the keys of your prison

i wasted a lot of time thinking that if i maybe found someone who loved me real hard, that would save me. true story is, that’s a disney fantasy and it’s not gonna happen – if you don’t love yourself, you usually can’t stand to have close to you someone around that loves you.

it’s about taking responsibility for one’s life and recognising that, in a way, i am choosing the life that i have. just as i am choosing to suffer, i can choose to seek help and get better.

we attract what we are. if you think you deserve to suffer, you will create more suffering, simply because you are focusing on it. i explain this in more depth in my article about conscious manifestation.

the first thing that we need to realise is that we have to do something about it. you cannot sleep depression away. it will not disappear by just sitting in your house. 

it’s a matter of small, gentle, compassionate steps. it starts with a glimpse of self-love. a glimpse is enough. 

a while ago i was watching a series and the character was talking about depression and how they had to get to the absolute lowest point in order to realise “i can no longer do this to myself”. if you have found this article, you might as well have already hit this point. once you realise that something is not okay, you can do something about it. so, here follows some nice little things you do to help yourself out: 

• take care of your body 

as i said, depression is heavy, heavy weight. often, getting out of bed can seem like an extremely challenging thing to do. and that’s okay. you don’t need to beat yourself down for feeling what you feel. there are complex reasons behind your state and you have the right to feel what you feel. 

and yet, this can not become an excuse to hide in bed all day long – because that is not going to help. i’m going to be honest: you will need some discipline to get yourself out of depression.

primo levi, a survivor of auschwitz, a concentration camp in nazi germany, said that what kept him feeling like a person was continuing to take care of his hygiene. among all the other people that were letting go and let themselves rot in the misery of the camps, he kept showing up for showers. 

so, a great thing you can do to start feeling a little bit better is to take care of your body, your temple. take regular showers, brush your teeth, change your clothes and wash them regularly. and then, take another step and change your bed sheets, bring out the trash, clean your living space. 

another nice things is to pamper yourself with bodily products, something that feels luxurious on your skin. this is a nice way to tell yourself “you deserve something nice”. 

• get help 

i will never stress this enough: ask for help. i know it seems daunting and scary, and let’s be honest, some of us have been betrayed so deeply, we don’t trust no one.

i understand: depression is often the fear of failure – and admitting you need help might seem to you like you’ve failed. if that is true, then i have failed too. and loads of people around the world have failed too. so, you’re not alone. failure is human. you are no superman, no superwoman.

maybe it’s just about taking yourself a little less seriously, accepting that you are a human and that humans need the help of other people in order to survive. we are wired for community – on our own we cannot survive, let alone thrive. 

i assure to you that there’s some nice people out there that would love to be there for you – there are suicide lines and mental health professionals you can reach out to. it takes one step – a phone call, an email, the beginning of a conversation. they will be able to guide you through this process. 

here’s a link to all international suicide lines, look up for your country and don’t be afraid to reach out – thinking no one cares for your is your foggy mind playing games on you:  https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/ 

some professionals will help you take one step, some will help you take a hundred. don’t lose hope because some psychologist you worked with at a certain point of your life was not the best one. there’s more people out there. also, it might be good to lower expectations on therapy: it’s not about being fully healed – we are humans, not machines. 

the purpose of therapy is to help you navigate through the seasons of life. pain is a natural part of being human, just as things like aging, sunsets and laughter. it’s a complex existence you’ve been signed up for on this planet.

also, take in consideration different types of therapy if traditional ones such a psychotherapy don’t seem to work or you’re not attracted to them. if you ended up in my website, there’s a good chance you are spiritually inclined. seek someone working with alternative therapeutic approaches. 

if you feel drawn to my energy, i am trained in gestalt therapy and i am happy to support you in your path. in this page, you can read more about my work and reach out to me 🙂 i offer 1:1 sessions as well as simple email exchange. you will find a safe space where you can express yourself and be listened to. my work is donation-based so don’t worry about your fundings. you see, you are not alone and i want you to believe this. 

another type of help we can get is medicine. personally, i am a big believer that mother earth has gifted us with plants that can help us heal. i think that, nowadays, in the western world, chemical medicines are prescribed way too often. while it might be very important to get some medicine to avoid hurting yourself or others or in case of pathologies and chemical unbalance in the brain, many times physicians prescribe very strong chemicals whereas what would be needed is therapy and human support. 

i am not saying you should not take your medicines – if they have been prescribed to you, you might as well very much need them. i am saying that chemicals are not the only option, and that you can get help from plants, especially for short-term, mild depressions.

you would need to check out with your mental health professional or an expert of natural plants, such as a certified homeopath. there are some very good products out there that can help you navigate this period of your life. for example, hypericum is a natural antidepressant. 

ultimately, there’s also the option of sacred medicine such as mushrooms. microdosing has resulted helpful in many cases and there’s growing scientifical evidence that the intake of certain substances can help ease and heal depression. if you feel inclined to trying out this route, my main suggestion is: do not self-medicate with drugs, but rather look for an experienced professional that works with these methods therapeutically. this links well with my next tip: 

• cut out substance abuse 

this is not something to be ashamed of. many of us have abused on some substance to help cope and ease the pain, or escape from it. 

the truth is, though, that abusing on alcohol or any kind of drugs will not make the pain go away – it will make it bigger in the long run and will create more problems, as physical issues or more severe mental issues. when you do something you know it’s not good for you, you are reinforcing your shame and guilt. 

• make a list of things that help you get out of your mind

some time ago a therapist told me to make a list of things that i can do when i get trapped in my mind. 

some of the things in my list: clean the house, deep breaths, yoga, see a friend, go for a run.

these are simple tasks that can vary greatly in nature that help me get distracted from negative thinking. a depressed or recovering mind might start to make up negative scenarios and it’s easy to focus on it and believe it… and i might end up feeling horrible. instead of this, i get up and go clean the kitchen, wash the dishes, take out the trash, read a book, paint my nails, take a shower…. whatever can help me distract a little bit. after a while, my nervous system might calm down again and those scenario might as well stop making sense. 

• find the little things that make you feel grateful 

during my trauma healing and resulting grief work, there were days where my heart felt so broken i barely found any motivation. but yet, i knew i was on a healing journey, and i knew this was not forever. so i made the daily effort to find little things that felt nice and made me a bit happy. 

i would drive out to work in the morning, and instead of focusing on traffic, i would see the beautiful lights of dawn, and i would take a moment to give thanks for that, to feel grateful. 

life, it’s about the little daily things. even if all i wanted to do was cry, i would look for things that made my sadness feel sweeter – a nice song, my warm bed, a conversation with a colleague, a call with a good friend. i would focus on this for a moment and give thanks for it, because it did indeed make me feel a bit blessed.

this practice helps realise that not everything is so bad as it seems. there is something nice, even if it lasts for 3 minutes – a good song, the hot water in the shower, a tasty piece of fruit, the sun, the rain, a tree, a sunset… make a conscious effort to notice these things and mentally give thanks to it. 

this will help you realise that you do experience nice things in life, even if it’s just one small thing a day. with time you will be more receptive and will be able to list up more things, eventually helping you grow in gratitude and leave misery on the side.

• physical activity 

it’s proven that moving your body helps you feel better.

how many people you know have told you that they are feeling better since they started hitting the gym, or going to that yoga course, or since they found their new favourite sport?! 

especially when we feel sad, to go for a run can be extremely helpful. don’t think about it, just grab your things (earphones and motivating, rocky balboa playlist included) and go. do it for the dopamine kick. 

• masturbate 

oh yes, baby.

i am aware that depression often takes away your libido, so it’s not about feeling inspired to masturbate. it’s like with sports – sometimes you don’t want to do it, but you still do it because you know that afterwards you will feel better. same with self-pleasure. do it like you would take a medicine, a daily or weekly pill.

orgasms shoot your body up with a cocktail of hormones that make you feel mentally, emotionally and physical very good, even if it lasts 15 seconds. just do it for the oxytocin kick 😉 and then, maybe also for fun and pleasure!  

now, let’s be honest, sometimes hands and fingers feel heavy as a mountain and even masturbating feels daunting – maybe consider investing some money in a nice little sex toy. even as a big fan of fancy crystal dildos, i also think that just pressing a vibrator against your skin until you start to feel something pleasurable – anything – is also a great way to get closer to pleasure. i bought myself a satisfyer to get me some pleasure even on days i am lazy AF and, oh my, i am so glad i did!  

(pss, if you clicked on the referral link to YPP and are now thinking of getting one beautiful crystal for yourself, use discount code PUREWAVE at check-out and get 10% off <3) 

so, these were my tips for you today. of course there’s plenty of other things we could do to soothe depression, such as talking about it with someone loved, spending time in nature or taking cold baths… but i’ve tried to be share some maybe less heard of tips that have for sure worked well with me.

if you have any doubt or question regarding any of these suggestions, please drop a comment in the section below or send me a private message through this page or via email at purifyingwave@gmail.com don’t be afraid, i am very open-minded 🙂 

at the end of the day, it’s a matter of treating ourselves with kindness and compassion. depression is like a heavy monster that hides behind your ear and tells you you are unworthy of love. but, oh, you are so worthy of love. however, me telling you will not make that monster go away – it takes your inner power.

sometimes to ignite the fire of your power, some of us have to touch ground. and that’s okay. there comes a time when you realise “i can’t go on like this anymore” – don’t let this be the moment you give up on yourself, but rather make this the moment you decide you’re gonna do something to help yourself. 

once the fire of “i’m going to do something to get better” is ignited, nourish it gently with daily gestures. use these suggestions i enlisted, and it will grow stronger. 

it takes a lot of courage and strength to stop listening to that little monster in your ear.

for me, it helped me to realise that that monster was a little girl, the hurt child within myself. a long time ago, this child started thinking she was unworthy, because it was the only way she could make sense of the pain she was enduring. if she was not worthy of love, then it made sense that she was abused and abandoned. it’s not a fight against the monster – it’s about telling that creature “i see you and your pain”. once you can make peace with the little one within yourself and recognise that you never deserved to live your life in pain, you are embarked on a journey of healing. there will be success and there will be fallbacks – healing is not linear, it is spiral-like. 

once you decide you deserve better, once you choose happiness and growth for yourself, you are unstoppable. believe in yourself – if you cannot do it today, trust that one day you’ll see some light within yourself and, trust me, this light will guide you. 

i hope you have found this article interesting. it’s my wish that it might inspire you on your path to healing or that it might serve you if are close to someone with depression. whichever is your position, please always be very gentle with yourself and others – you never know what others are going through in their mind and heart. 

if you’ve enjoyed the content or if you have any other suggestion that might serve other readers, please share it or leave a comment below ! 🙂 

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with gentle care

sara